Archive for the ‘Oscar, da band’ Category

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intervention

August 9, 2010

As much as I hate to admit it, I need an intervention. I also think I need a fill, but I am at Tricare’s mercy for that one (waiting on my new referral to get approved).

I stopped regularly tracking my calories about a year ago. I did great for a few months and then the stress of life hit. Retraining, seemingly never-ending TDYs, PCS, training someone new at work, 6 day road trip, etc, etc. All excuses, but life none the less. With those excuses, my eating went out the window. I stopped paying attention to eating right and instead ate what made me feel good at the moment.

Where did that get me…19 freaking pounds heavier! Yes, I said 19. I was 11 pounds from my ultimate goal and now I am 30…again.

I am also having a few issues with my band. Some days I can eat nothing solid and others I could eat a cow. I can’t nail down a trigger (other than possibly stress) and I don’t think I am eating too fast. Those rough days have me turning to ice cream though to eat *something* and the vicious addiction to it continues full circle. I don’t think my band has slipped, since I have only thrown up once in my 2 years of having the band, but I won’t know for sure till I get in to see a new surgeon.

At this point, I feel like such a failure. I had my head on straight for over a year and then gave up.

Temporarily.

I refuse to give up for good. I know what I can do and will do it again. Starting today.

Today we move out of the hotel and into TLF where I will actually have a kitchen (albeit small) again. No more excuses to eat out. I am going to try as hard as can be to go back to eating out only once a week. It will be hard, so I can’t promise that (we are still inprocessing and working the house deal, so being in TLF at lunch everyday is hard) but I do promise to make better choices than I have been. I also need to get back on track with my exercise. I have only exercised 3 times in the last 3 weeks and I am used to exercising at least 3 times a week.

Today is yoga.

I need help though. Is anyone willing to help keep me accountable? I am going to start tracking my calories again over at myfitnesspal and if you’d like to help keep me accountable, leave me a comment and I’ll give you my diary key. My goal is 1300-1400 calories a day six days a week, with one 1800-2000 calorie day each week. That worked when I was on track before, so I have no reason to think it won’t again.

Today.

Lacey

Posted in Oscar, da band | 8 Comments »

intervention

July 8, 2010

I need an intervention and not the kind that Ben & Jerry are currently trying to give. While I know that they may have good intentions, they are not helping my cause in the least. In fact, I do believe that they are making it worse. Dairy Queen and Blue Bell have tried to lend a hand as well but they too are not helping.

Sigh.

I really do not know what is wrong with me. Sure, I have always liked ice cream, but here lately the like has turned into a full out addiction. Is it boredom? Is it mild depression? Is it stress? I dunno but it has to go. Somehow, someway.

But man, sugar withdrawals are killer. I’ll get through a few days until I can no longer handle the pounding headache, give in and eat ice cream. Headache goes away but then I am miffed at myself for giving in and not being “in control”. If this is how drug addicts feel, I can understand why quitting is so hard. And, we won’t even mention what it is doing to my hips. I am petrified to go to my doctors appointment on Monday. He’s never made a single comment about any gains I have had here or there, but I feel like I am not only letting myself down but him as well.

Do they make ice cream addicts anonymous? Ice cream rehab?

 

 

Lacey

Posted in Oscar, da band, me, random ramblings | No Comments »

the BIG picture

May 11, 2010

Here lately, I have been stressing about everything (although the changes I blogged about have been helping). The move, my job, the TDY, my health, buying a house, making new friends, leaving old ones, Vegas schools, crime, etc, etc.

The biggest I think though lately is my self image and self expectations. I am mad at myself for gaining 10 pounds back from my lowest that I worked so hard to get to. I am mad at myself for not being able to get past 4 miles running when I was up to 6 regularly last year. I am frustrated at being tired all the time and letting the sugar addiction back in.

Today, I was listening to Sirius – The Message on the way to base and Johnny Diaz’s “More Beautiful You” came on. Can we say reality check?! I am adding more stress to my plate by being mad about all these things when I really need to step back and focus on the big picture.

For starters, I have went from this…

 

To this…

 

Even if I never get those 10 pounds BACK off, I have come a very LONG way.

And, as for the running, I just need to accept that I have cancer and while that may not cripple me, there will be days I can only make 1 mile and there may be days I can make 6. I need to enjoy it again, instead of beating myself up that I didn’t go far enough or fast enough. Who am I running for anyway? Myself or someone else?

This is not to say that I will never battle the “beating myself up” battle again. I think we all go through times like that for one reason or another, but we really need to try to step back and focus on what is truly important, the big picture!

Lacey

Posted in AFYFE life, Oscar, da band, learning to love...exercise, random ramblings | 10 Comments »

still alive.

February 25, 2010

I’m still alive, I think?! :)

Since J and I got home from Texas it has been full on, non-stop, go, go ,go. Enough already! I guess the benefit is that time is flying and Bryan will be home before I know it (only to turn around and leave for another 3 months, but let’s not go there right now).

Work has been a little nuts, I walked into *only* 230 emails and 5 voicemails, along with a laundry list of upcoming events that needed to be booked. Top that with the fact  that I feel like I have been out of the office half the week for doctor appointments and it makes me a little crazy. Thank goodness today is my Friday.

Monday, I ate lunch with Belinda and we both agreed that it needs to happen more often. We went weekly last year, but when school started back up and everyone got crazy, it stopped. Then I had my top secret investigation for Bryan’s TS clearance paperwork. They asked a bit more than I thought they would but at least it is over. Nothing like feeling like your life is under a microscope. That evening was a Relay For Life Team Party. I was ready for Monday to be over.

Tuesday I had a fill appointment in Pensacola. While there, I had lunch with some friends at the New Yorker Deli. I was a bit sad when lunch was over, they are such fun!

Wednesday, I had that lovely annual womanly cancer screening. I am so thankful that I <3 my PCM. She makes that annoying visit, so much more bearable. Next up will be the mammogram (oh, joy) and a referral to general surgery to get a cyst taken off my elbow. At this point, I so thankful for our insurance, because I am a medical nightmare!

Today, well today was just a Thursday. After work/school, J had baton twirling and then we headed to Destin. I wanted to look at a camera in Best Buy and treated J to Panera for dinner (she loves their chicken noodle soup). Since it was so cold out, we also made a stop at Starbucks for hot chocolate. This was the 2nd Starbucks in 3 days that was out of the signature hot chocolate (the horror) but I did learn that they have a white hot chocolate and it is fabulous. Good thing the closest one is 15 minutes away, because those yummy little cups are 330 calories a pop WITH nonfat milk. Next stop was The Fresh Market for Greek yogurt…yum. Now I am home. Bryan and I talked for a bit and I finally bit the bullet on a new p&s camera. I had been debating between the Canon S90 and the Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX3 but after getting to be all touchy feeling with the Canon in Best Buy today, it won me over. This will be my first Canon p&s but it comes with rave reviews. I <3 my Nikon dSLR (hated the Canon dSLR I had before) but their p&s’s suck. Normally I go with Sony p&s’s but I have been very unhappy with my most recent one. I am looking forward to trying this line of Canon’s. Now, J will get Bryan’s current camera and Bryan will get mine and we’ll all be happy, right :)?

Isn’t it purdy ? :)

Tomorrow is another one of those days…Saturday can’t get here soon enough so I can sleep in! After I drop J off at school, it is allergy shots, blood work and then an eye exam. I was going to go get my new glasses but I think I will wait till Bry gets home so he can voice an opinion. If that is the case though, I might, just *might* have time for a nap before J gets out of school. Hmmmm…..

Lacey

Posted in Oscar, da band, random ramblings | 1 Comment »

18 months…*shrug*

January 27, 2010

So, apparently Monday was my 18 month bandiverary. It hadn’t even really clicked with me until today when I ready Amy’s 1 year bandiversary post and I started thinking about how long ago my surgery was. *shrug*

I’m at the point that I no longer really *think* about my band. Sure, I still want to get these stinkin’ last 20 pounds off but in my day to day life it doesn’t cross my mind (of course, ask me this after my next fill when Dr. Nye thinks I’ll be at my sweet spot). My exercise is the norm, in fact I am really irritated that I had to take a rest day today (I tweaked my knee yesterday, NOT during my 1.5 mile trail run but during my my 0.5 mile cool down walk on a track…sigh) and I have learned what to eat and not eat and to slow down. Now, it is just a lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like to keep up with a certain few banded friends and will give my advice/experiences to anyone that asks but I am past the point of it being a focus. The first year, it consumed my thoughts and now, it is rarely a thought. Funny how life works :).

Lacey

Posted in Oscar, da band, random ramblings | 1 Comment »

to fill or not to fill.

January 19, 2010

So, my next fill is scheduled for February 9th (where they inject more saline into my lap band to make it tighter, for those non-banders out there:). Dr. Nye thinks this will be the last fill I will need for a while, plus it will most likely be my last one before the move. This was all fine and dandy until I discovered that I would be flying to Texas for Bryan’s graduation 2 days later. For some people, flying can cause the band to get tighter (something to do with the altitude, wonder if the elevation in Vegas is going to be an issue?!). I have flown once before with the band, back in November 2008 but I only had about 1/2 the fill I do now. I don’t remember having any extra tightness then, but that was the trip with the fateful crescent roll pb experience. Hmm…wonder if they were linked?! Probably not, that was probably just me being stupid…LOL!

So, I called and left a message for Rose in Dr. Nye’s office today (I had to call over my EFMP paperwork anyway). I am leaning towards scheduling the fill the week I get back, just in case. I’d really hate to get to Texas and not be able to eat my beloved *real* Mexican food at least once. Being stuck on liquids all weekend due to irritation would totally suck! On the other hand, last time I went to San Antonio for Thanksgiving I came back 4 pounds heavier. Decisions, decisions…

Lacey

Posted in Oscar, da band, random ramblings | 3 Comments »

back on track.

January 16, 2010

I am going to be honest here. I have hidden it for the last few months behind smiles, but I am not smiling inside.

I have fallen…hard. Since September, I gained 13 pounds, I am now down to only 10.2 but still, 13 pounds! My total lack of caring has erased 5 months of hard work. 5 months of bettering myself and feeling good about my self. Why?

Sure, I could blame it on stress, I mean we do have TDYs, PCS, budget and job changes in the near future. I had the stress of working at a church during Christmas AND amidst a huge renovation project.

But, I don’t think it was that. I think I just gave up. Took on a “why bother” attitude.

I think I have been spending too much time comparing myself to everyone else and their losses compared to mine. Then, I read a verse today that really hit me.

“Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don’t compare yourself with others.” Galatians 6:4 (CEV)

I am really hard on myself, hence why none of my weight loss attempts before the band would work. One mess up and I gave up. Not this time though. I am done “giving up” and done comparing myself to others. Sure, I am still going to screw up, that is human nature but the only failure is giving up. I need to realize that I have less to lose now, so it IS going to be slower and that although you can’t tell by looking at me from the outside, I am an active leukemia patient. It is there everyday affecting every part of my body. I need to “man up” to this fact and simply do the best *I* can do.

So, I am officially getting back on track.

What does this mean for me? Well, for starters…

  • Tracking my food, good or bad
  • Opening up my food diary and being accountable to “anyone”, see it here
  • Drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day
  • Exercising at least 3x a week, even if my fatigue only allows a 10 minute walk – I was successful last week and this week, although I have discovered my body can’t handle the 3 days in a row I have been doing
  • Stay at my calorie goal at least 6 days a week
  • Allow myself 1 day a week that I can go over by 500 max
  • Not allow snacks/desserts in the house that are more than 250 calories, those have to be gone “out” for

These aren’t hard goals, but I do need to get back in sync with them. I did them easily for 14 months and I CAN do them again.

 

Lacey

Posted in 1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4Given, Oscar, da band, random ramblings | 7 Comments »

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