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still alive.

February 25, 2010

I’m still alive, I think?! :)

Since J and I got home from Texas it has been full on, non-stop, go, go ,go. Enough already! I guess the benefit is that time is flying and Bryan will be home before I know it (only to turn around and leave for another 3 months, but let’s not go there right now).

Work has been a little nuts, I walked into *only* 230 emails and 5 voicemails, along with a laundry list of upcoming events that needed to be booked. Top that with the fact that I feel like I have been out of the office half the week for doctor appointments and it makes me a little crazy. Thank goodness today is my Friday.

Monday, I ate lunch with Belinda and we both agreed that it needs to happen more often. We went weekly last year, but when school started back up and everyone got crazy, it stopped. Then I had my top secret investigation for Bryan’s TS clearance paperwork. They asked a bit more than I thought they would but at least it is over. Nothing like feeling like your life is under a microscope. That evening was a Relay For Life Team Party. I was ready for Monday to be over.

Tuesday I had a fill appointment in Pensacola. While there, I had lunch with some friends at the New Yorker Deli. I was a bit sad when lunch was over, they are such fun!

Wednesday, I had that lovely annual womanly cancer screening. I am so thankful that I <3 my PCM. She makes that annoying visit, so much more bearable. Next up will be the mammogram (oh, joy) and a referral to general surgery to get a cyst taken off my elbow. At this point, I so thankful for our insurance, because I am a medical nightmare!

Today, well today was just a Thursday. After work/school, J had baton twirling and then we headed to Destin. I wanted to look at a camera in Best Buy and treated J to Panera for dinner (she loves their chicken noodle soup). Since it was so cold out, we also made a stop at Starbucks for hot chocolate. This was the 2nd Starbucks in 3 days that was out of the signature hot chocolate (the horror) but I did learn that they have a white hot chocolate and it is fabulous. Good thing the closest one is 15 minutes away, because those yummy little cups are 330 calories a pop WITH nonfat milk. Next stop was The Fresh Market for Greek yogurt…yum. Now I am home. Bryan and I talked for a bit and I finally bit the bullet on a new p&s camera. I had been debating between the Canon S90 and the Panasonic Lumix DMC-LX3 but after getting to be all touchy feeling with the Canon in Best Buy today, it won me over. This will be my first Canon p&s but it comes with rave reviews. I <3 my Nikon dSLR (hated the Canon dSLR I had before) but their p&s’s suck. Normally I go with Sony p&s’s but I have been very unhappy with my most recent one. I am looking forward to trying this line of Canon’s. Now, J will get Bryan’s current camera and Bryan will get mine and we’ll all be happy, right :)?

Isn’t it purdy ? :)

Tomorrow is another one of those days…Saturday can’t get here soon enough so I can sleep in! After I drop J off at school, it is allergy shots, blood work and then an eye exam. I was going to go get my new glasses but I think I will wait till Bry gets home so he can voice an opinion. If that is the case though, I might, just *might* have time for a nap before J gets out of school. Hmmmm…..

Posted in da band, random ramblings | 1 Comment »

18 months…shrug

January 27, 2010

So, apparently Monday was my 18 month bandiverary. It hadn’t even really clicked with me until today when I ready Amy’s 1 year bandiversary post and I started thinking about how long ago my surgery was. *shrug*

I’m at the point that I no longer really *think* about my band. Sure, I still want to get these stinkin’ last 20 pounds off but in my day to day life it doesn’t cross my mind (of course, ask me this after my next fill when Dr. Nye thinks I’ll be at my sweet spot). My exercise is the norm, in fact I am really irritated that I had to take a rest day today (I tweaked my knee yesterday, NOT during my 1.5 mile trail run but during my my 0.5 mile cool down walk on a track…sigh) and I have learned what to eat and not eat and to slow down. Now, it is just a lifestyle.

Don’t get me wrong, I still like to keep up with a certain few banded friends and will give my advice/experiences to anyone that asks but I am past the point of it being a focus. The first year, it consumed my thoughts and now, it is rarely a thought. Funny how life works :).

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to fill or not to fill.

January 19, 2010

So, my next fill is scheduled for February 9th (where they inject more saline into my lap band to make it tighter, for those non-banders out there:). Dr. Nye thinks this will be the last fill I will need for a while, plus it will most likely be my last one before the move. This was all fine and dandy until I discovered that I would be flying to Texas for Bryan’s graduation 2 days later. For some people, flying can cause the band to get tighter (something to do with the altitude, wonder if the elevation in Vegas is going to be an issue?!). I have flown once before with the band, back in November 2008 but I only had about 1/2 the fill I do now. I don’t remember having any extra tightness then, but that was the trip with the fateful crescent roll pb experience. Hmm…wonder if they were linked?! Probably not, that was probably just me being stupid…LOL!

So, I called and left a message for Rose in Dr. Nye’s office today (I had to call over my EFMP paperwork anyway). I am leaning towards scheduling the fill the week I get back, just in case. I’d really hate to get to Texas and not be able to eat my beloved *real* Mexican food at least once. Being stuck on liquids all weekend due to irritation would totally suck! On the other hand, last time I went to San Antonio for Thanksgiving I came back 4 pounds heavier. Decisions, decisions…

Posted in da band, random ramblings | 3 Comments »

back on track.

January 16, 2010

I am going to be honest here. I have hidden it for the last few months behind smiles, but I am not smiling inside.

I have fallen…hard. Since September, I gained 13 pounds, I am now down to only 10.2 but still, 13 pounds! My total lack of caring has erased 5 months of hard work. 5 months of bettering myself and feeling good about my self. Why?

Sure, I could blame it on stress, I mean we do have TDYs, PCS, budget and job changes in the near future. I had the stress of working at a church during Christmas AND amidst a huge renovation project.

But, I don’t think it was that. I think I just gave up. Took on a “why bother” attitude.

I think I have been spending too much time comparing myself to everyone else and their losses compared to mine. Then, I read a verse today that really hit me.

“Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don’t compare yourself with others.” Galatians 6:4 (CEV)

I am really hard on myself, hence why none of my weight loss attempts before the band would work. One mess up and I gave up. Not this time though. I am done “giving up” and done comparing myself to others. Sure, I am still going to screw up, that is human nature but the only failure is giving up. I need to realize that I have less to lose now, so it IS going to be slower and that although you can’t tell by looking at me from the outside, I am an active leukemia patient. It is there everyday affecting every part of my body. I need to “man up” to this fact and simply do the best *I* can do.

So, I am officially getting back on track.

What does this mean for me? Well, for starters…

Tracking my food, good or bad
Opening up my food diary and being accountable to “anyone”, see it here
Drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day
Exercising at least 3x a week, even if my fatigue only allows a 10 minute walk – I was successful last week and this week, although I have discovered my body can’t handle the 3 days in a row I have been doing
Stay at my calorie goal at least 6 days a week
Allow myself 1 day a week that I can go over by 500 max
Not allow snacks/desserts in the house that are more than 250 calories, those have to be gone “out” for

These aren’t hard goals, but I do need to get back in sync with them. I did them easily for 14 months and I CAN do them again.

Posted in 1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4Given, da band, random ramblings | 7 Comments »

i’m alive…

December 17, 2009

I think…LOL!

Work is nuts, you can definitely tell it is our busy season. My boss today informed me that sleep is overrated. I don’t agree :). 3 more work days till the Christmas Eve rush is over and 5 more work days till vacation!

Monday, I had my routine appointment with my oncologist. My white blood cell counts are up to 24 from 18 at my last appointment, 3 months ago. Sigh. She’s not worried, because in her eyes that is a small jump but it still bugs me. I am back up to where I was when I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. Wow, has it really been that long?! It’s still just watch and see because I feel “okay”. I have gotten sick twice already this season (a minor cold and pink eye) after not getting sick at all last season. She wants me to keep an eye on it and if I keep getting sick, she will check my immunoglobulin levels. If they are low, we can always do IV immunoglobulins but she has only seen about a 50% success rate in her patients. Her goal though is to do anything possible to prolong the amount of time until I have to go on chemo and I agree with that approach. She did contact the hospital at Nellis AFB and I can be seen on base, so now it is up to the chief and AF to send us there instead of Holloman AFB.

Tuesday I had my band appointment. We won’t even discuss my weight, let’s just say I have gained a few pounds (if you really want to know, up on the top under about me is my band page). I’ve been really battling head hunger and mindless eating lately. Not sure why, boredom I suppose, but it needs to take a hike. He gave me a 0.5cc fill bringing me to 4.5cc total in my 10cc band. He thinks one more feel and I will be at my sweet spot (something about the pressure that comes back on the plunger when he fills). I actually get a real dinner again tomorrow night and I can’t wait to see where my restriction is although I am thinking it is going to be pretty good. Last night I ran a little over 4 miles and proceeded to gulp my water like I usually do. Bad idea, I could feel it not going down. Thankfully none came up, it eventually trickled through, because that would have been embarrassing (totally full cardio room with lots of cute guys in uniform, including mine but it wouldn’t have phased him).

The weather here sucks. It has done nothing but rain the last few weeks. Jacey even asked me the other day if we really lived in the “sunshine state”.

This weekend, I am doing all my Christmas baking/goody making. I do plan to have a piece of each (just being honest here) but the rest of those calories are going on some one else’s hips *insert evil laugh*!

Posted in AFYFE life, CLL, bragging on the {military} brat, da band, no more SAHMommy, random ramblings | 2 Comments »