Dec. 12: How does your faith refresh at Christmastime?

I’ve been sitting on this post all day and I still really don’t know how to answer it.

I like to think that I have a pretty strong faith, all through out the year. Sure, I don’t read my Bible as much as I should or make it to church EVERY weekend, but my faith never wavers. Even when I got my cancer diagnosis, while I got mad at God, I didn’t forsake him or say “I don’t care about you anymore since you let this happen to me”. I realize there is a reason for everything and while I may never know it, it is there. That is what faith is to me, belief in the unseen. So trying to figure out how my faith is refreshed at Christmastime is hard.

I think that if I really step back and look, the challenges and the times that Mary and Joseph had to go through are astounding and faith restoring. Can you imagine? And we think we have it tough today. And, without that little baby being born, I would not have the gift of eternal life and forgiveness. I mean, how can anything compare to that?!

I’m still not sure i know how to answer the question other than the fact that this time of year makes these gifts even more apparent in my life and I am ever so grateful for them.

I am going to be honest here. I have hidden it for the last few months behind smiles, but I am not smiling inside.

I have fallen…hard. Since September, I gained 13 pounds, I am now down to only 10.2 but still, 13 pounds! My total lack of caring has erased 5 months of hard work. 5 months of bettering myself and feeling good about my self. Why?

Sure, I could blame it on stress, I mean we do have TDYs, PCS, budget and job changes in the near future. I had the stress of working at a church during Christmas AND amidst a huge renovation project.

But, I don’t think it was that. I think I just gave up. Took on a “why bother” attitude.

I think I have been spending too much time comparing myself to everyone else and their losses compared to mine. Then, I read a verse today that really hit me.

“Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of. But don’t compare yourself with others.” Galatians 6:4 (CEV)

I am really hard on myself, hence why none of my weight loss attempts before the band would work. One mess up and I gave up. Not this time though. I am done “giving up” and done comparing myself to others. Sure, I am still going to screw up, that is human nature but the only failure is giving up. I need to realize that I have less to lose now, so it IS going to be slower and that although you can’t tell by looking at me from the outside, I am an active leukemia patient. It is there everyday affecting every part of my body. I need to “man up” to this fact and simply do the best *I* can do.

So, I am officially getting back on track.

What does this mean for me? Well, for starters…

• Tracking my food, good or bad
• Opening up my food diary and being accountable to “anyone”, see it here
• Drinking at least 8 glasses of water a day
• Exercising at least 3x a week, even if my fatigue only allows a 10 minute walk – I was successful last week and this week, although I have discovered my body can’t handle the 3 days in a row I have been doing
• Stay at my calorie goal at least 6 days a week
• Allow myself 1 day a week that I can go over by 500 max
• Not allow snacks/desserts in the house that are more than 250 calories, those have to be gone “out” for

These aren’t hard goals, but I do need to get back in sync with them. I did them easily for 14 months and I CAN do them again.